Letting go...

On Sunday, my son played the Mvt 1 of Vivaldi's A Minor Concerto in Church. We all know the piece - the forth song in Suzuki Bk IV. I have had probably hundreds of students play the piece over the years. But, this was different. This was my son. Now, I have performed a great deal in my life. I have conducted and played my violin in front of thousands of people and really don't have any great issues with nerves. But on Sunday... I was a nervous wreck. Matt was fine, mind you. The dude has nerves of steel. Ice water in his veins. No sweat. But as for me, it was all I could do to get through the service leading up to his offertory.

Matt was certainly prepared. He had practiced diligently. he had done the slow methodical work. it was time to perform this piece. But, I really wanted this to be a great experience for him. I am so used to being the one on stage and it was REALLY hard for me to just "let go" and let him experience the joy of performance. I am usually the one in control, the place the buck stops. But, on Sunday, the buck stopped with him - my son. He couldn't hide and I couldn't do it for him. It was his deal.

I sat through the first 45 minutes of the service waiting for the offertory. My heart pounded. My hands were clammy. Every time I looked over at Matt, he was sitting there as calm as could be. I tried not to let my anxiety show. I didn't want my reaction to the situation cloud his.

The time came and up he went to the front of the sanctuary. He waited for his cue and did his thing. It went better than I had ever heard him play it!! The piece as in tune. The dynamics were clear. His shifting was accurate. Everything worked. Following the piece, the congregation erupted in applause. He didn't react. He simply smiled and came back to his seat. I could not have been more proud of him.

When asked if he was nervous by a family friend afterward, he simply said, "no." If only I could have responded the same way.

I believe that I am approaching a time in my life when I will be really challenged to let go of this anxiety for my kids' success. It is time for them to shine. I know that many of you that are teachers or parents know exactly what I am taking about. I have certainly had anxiety for my students' success over the years, but this is something totally different. Matt is a part of me. We are so close. So similar. He really trusts me to send him in the right direction. Come to think about it, my students trust me in the same way. Their families do, too. I don't want to let any of them down.

And I really want his experiences to be as positive as mine were. Somehow, as parents, I think we forget some of the trials that we had as kids. We want to shelter our kids from the anxieties and failures that are a natural part of growing up. I certainly don't want to do that. But, in the meantime, I will have to learn to calm down a bit. I have to learn not to be the focal point. On Sunday, it was Matt's turn. He will have lots more opportunities as the years progress. I hope that I can learn to enjoy them from start to finish.

As for Sunday, it was a great day. After two church services and fine violin playing, Matt went on to a basketball game and knocked down a couple of jumpers in OT to solidify his team's win. Just another day in the life of a great 12 year old kid. But, as for Dad, I was worn out! But, in a good way - with much anticipation of the many good things to come. Time for me to work on letting go.

Peace.
Scott

Cycling to Make a Difference

This fall, I am, once again, riding in the MS Bike Tour to raise funds for the National Multiple Sclerosis Society. Many of you know that about 3 years ago, I started at bike team at the NC School of Science and Math as part of that effort. Over the past 3 years, our team has raised over $30,000.00 for the MS society and over 75 students, parents and faculty members have gotten involved. This year, Team NCSSM will have team members at two different MS rides. One is in the Greensboro, NC area (Tour to Tanglewood) on September 6-7 and the other is in New Bern, NC on September 13-14. I will be riding in both of these events.

As many of you know, MS has touched my family and we have certainly benefited from the ongoing research that is supported by fund raisers such as the MS Bike Tour. About 10 years ago, shortly after my oldest son was born, my wife began having trouble with her vision. She was quickly diagnosed with MS and we found ourselves completely unsure of exactly what that meant for her longterm health, our "plans" for more children and our future as a family. Over the past 10 years, Barbra has been fortunate to have very few major difficulties and our family life has remained vibrant, exciting, and healthy. We now have 3 sons and you would never know that Barbra had MS to see her. We feel very blessed to be in this situation. Not all MS patients are so fortunate. Much of that health that Barbra enjoys can be attributed to the medications that she takes (Beta Seron) and the research that is ongoing in the area of Multiple Sclerosis. I can tell you first hand that the MS medications that have been developed in the past 10 years have done wonders for folks that are afflicted with the disease. Beta Seron wasn't around when Barbra was initially diagnosed.

Initially, as the spouse, I felt very helpless. I knew that I would support her in whatever she encountered. (Although, I didn't really know what that might be.) But, there wasn't much else that I could do. A former student, who was an avid mountain biker, came to me and told me that he wanted to ride in an MS 150 bike tour in support of Barbra. I had never done any distance riding at that point, but I had a bike and felt like that was something that I could do. I knew how to ride a bike and at least I would be doing something. Students and parents from my former school stepped up and that spring, with their support, I raised over $5000 and rode in the event with my friend and former student, Mike Gray. I remember that we were riding mountain bikes with knobby tires that made a loud whirring sound as we flew down the road and all of the road cyclists kept remarking about our overall speed and determination. I think I had tears in my eyes for well over half of that ride. I can't tell you how important that ride was to me as the husband of a newly diagnosed MS patient. Over the years, I have participated in at least one MS Bike Tour event every summer and sometimes two or three. I have graduated to road cycling as well as mountain biking and have logged thousands of miles over the years.

This post is not intended to be a request for donations. I simply want you know know about the efforts and the background behind my commitment to the MS Bike Tours. Of course, if you want to donate, you are welcome to do so through the linked pages and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. If your are interested in tracking my progress with fund raising or the efforts of Team NCSSM, I have a separate page for each of the events in which I am riding. Our team page is linked to my personal pages. They are:

Tour to Tanglewood: http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR?px=2060771&pg=personal&fr_id=9011

and

New Bern: http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR/Bike/NCTBikeEvents?px=2060771&pg=personal&fr_id=8760

Many of you have contributed to this effort in the past and I so appreciate your ongoing support.

I am so excited to be riding with students at NCSSM. It is my mission to get them involved in supporting the National MS Society and introducing them to the joys and health of cycling. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to e-mail me or comment on this post and I will occasionally be posting notes about my training and the events here.

Thanks to all of you for your continued support and friendship and your support for the MS Society.

Peace.

Scott